Chess can be a dangerous game, especially when your opponent knows your every move and has a murderous streak. Play it safe, switch to solitaire.

Evildoers beware, the Lumberjacks are a crime fighting super force making the streets safe again. What they lack in fighting skills, weapons, and overall performance they make up for with catchy names. On second thought, there’s really nothing to fear here.

Environmentalists would just assume handle the Mississippi River carp problem through some sort of science-y solution. These brave men have a better idea, killing carp with a sword and trash can armor on water skis. Nope, nothing idiotic going on here.

Jimmy Kimmel is a cruel man. First, he tried to ruin Halloween and Christmas for children, and last Sunday he attempted to sabotage the Super Bowl. When will the madness stop, Jimmy?! When?!

Ladies, let’s forget about sprinkling rose petals in our mildew ridden bathtub and lighting 40 candles in the bedroom this year. How about we just call it a day and hit up Netflix, k?

For Astronomical Image Enhancement Engineer Brant Widgeon, the most difficult part of his job isn’t cleaning up celestial bodies or white dwarfs, it’s pesky photobombing space cats. We hear ya, Brant, damn cats are always ruining our Kodak moments, too.

You may think of Colonel Sanders as just some old dude who hit it big in the chicken racket, but the guy has a past. The man has seen some gnarly things, things that even fried chicken and two sides can’t make right.

He can’t leap tall buildings in single bound and doesn’t have any wonderful toys, but what he can do is vomit milk all over bad guys. Nothing stops crime like a strong dose of calcium.

Nobody ever said it was easy being the older brother of a pop sensation. But at the end of the day, it’s all about putting on a great show for the fans… or whoever happens to be on their lunch break in the food court.

It’s space age vs. bronze age and armor vs. abs, when Halo’s Master Chief goes to the lyrical battlefield against Sparta’s main man, King Leonidas. Let’s get ready to rumble!