A writer at Ad Age appears to have stumbled on an impending national crisis, when he was unable to find any Velveeta at a his Brooklyn grocery store. An employee of the grocer told him that new shipments weren't expected until February. Ad Age contacted Kraft, who confirmed they are experiencing a shortage. Here's what you need to know:
1. Twitter is Freaking Out
"Cheesepocalypse" has entered the English lexicon, as distressed faux-dairy lovers took to twitter, commiserating in their panic.
— Rob Drieslein (@ODN_Editor) January 7, 2014
Kraft is running low on Velveeta?! Why cruel world, why?! #cheesepocalypse
— Tyler Zachary (@TylerWZak) January 7, 2014
— Michael Logli (@mikelogli) January 7, 2014
2. A Kraft Spokeswoman Says Shortage Will Be Short-Term Problem
Kraft spokeswoman Jody Moore told Ad Age "Given the incredible popularity of Velveeta this time of year, it is possible consumers may not be able to find their favorite product on store shelves over the next couple of weeks. Our retail customers are aware of the situation and we expect it to be a short-term issue."
3. Shortage is Caused by Lack of Drivers
While Moore cites a number of factors, she says that the principle cause is the inability of the company's limited supply of delivery drivers, to keep pace with an NFL Playoofs-induced spike in dip demand.
But is that just what they want us to think?
If we had truly reached peak Velveeta, if the nation's strategic cheez reserves were depleted, would the powers-that-be really tell us? Would they risk unleashing chaos, as millions of Americans grown weary of spinach/artichoke, poured into the streets, demanding their god-given right to a bowl of microwavable cheese...or else BLOOD?!!
4. The Velveeta Brand Has Been Growing in Popularity
According to CBS, thin slices of Velveeta Cheese and Velveeta dinner kits continued to win over consumers in the third-quarter, providing a significant boost to Kraft's quarterly earnings.
5. All Our Favorite Awful Foods Are Disappearing
If the Velveeta shortage proves to be as formidable as its forebears, the substance is likely to devolve into dinnerware by 2015.