"'Ello? It's Gareth. Seems me winkie's stuck in the vacuum cleaner again."
And it wasn't just stuck once, or maybe not at all. But that didn't stop Welsh bachelor Gareth Lloyd, 49, from making nearly 6,000 phone calls in three months to tell people his penis was stuck in household objects, including a jam jar and a vacuum cleaner.
But somehow, Lloyd won't be going to jail for making all those phone calls. He's under a 12-month community order after pleading guilty to three charges under the Telecommunications Act.
The magistrates' court heard that some of the calls were sexual, but he never went into more explicit detail. His lawyer, Phillip Marshall-Thomas, said Lloyd didn't use obscene language or threaten anyone.
He thought that he was having a bit of a joke. It was a joke in poor taste, perhaps a little perverted to say the least. He accepts that. He now realizes that his behavior was totally unacceptable.
He was found after an extensive search was launched, and police said they couldn't find him because he was using a pay-as-you-make-a-dirty-phone-call mobile phone. Police only caught him when his number popped up on another mobile phone police were analyzing.
Under the order, he's not allowed to have any other phone but one with a contract, so police can keep track of his phone calls, for the next year.
But Lloyd, who of course still lives at home with his mum, who he says he takes care of, apologized and said he didn't know what an impact calling people to tell them his penis was stuck would cause. But Prosecutor Justin Espie said people were upset over getting the weird calls.
Apparently, Lloyd was drunk dialing some of the calls, but the court heard he doesn't have a drinking problem. But he still admitted making calls that caused annoyance, inconvenience and needless anxiety and that the calls were grossly offensive.