10 Most Terrible Chicks on OKCupid

One of my favorite websites recently has been OKCEnemies. The site showcases the dark side of internet dating, specifically from dating site OKCupid. I noticed, however, that most of the profiles published have been dudes. So I thought, why not even the playing field? Why not see what kind of terrible female profiles I can dig up? Big mistake. I have seen horrors no man should see while researching and curating this collection. I have braved the deep end of internet dating for you, faithful reader. I have seen things that will stick with me until the end of my days and I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell for writing this article. The following dating profiles are real; these are real dating profiles by real people. I have not fabricated anything; I've simply cropped and pasted, and I've made a point to sniff out the accounts made for laughs. So rest assured, the terrible secrets you're about to read are real. Some mean well, some are WAY too open, and some are just into some weird and kinky s**t.

<center><b>Moderately Severe Hemorrhoids</b></center><br> This girl is a genius. I think she knew I was compiling a worst-of-the-worst list. What is worse than saying moderately severe hemorrhoids? Saying you got them from "birthing" (disgusting word by the way) your kid. Here's a plan — most private thing you're willing to admit? You have a kid. That's fine, that's understandable — you're young, everyone makes mistakes. Your mistake was getting pregnant. I get it, you're trying to get on Teen Mom. Stop it there. Leave the hemorrhoids out next time, for the love of god please.

<center><b>Rub Zombie</b></center><br> You know, I've always wanted to raise a family of psychotic and deranged murderers who bind, torture, and kill their victims. I'm glad we really click on that level.

<center><b>Swastikas are like ... so ironic</b></center><br> As if you needed another reason to hate hipsters ... how about using swastikas ironically to ironically say how you "H8" music? Great job using the worst genocide in human history on your internet dating profile to showcase your dry and sardonic wit!

<center><b>The Food Fetish You Never Wanted To Know About</b></center><br> This is the kind of thing that gets inside your mind, sticks with you, and attacks when you're daydreaming absentmindedly on Wednesday afternoon. It bum-rushes back into your thoughts, making you throw up in your mouth a little bit and hate the internet for exposing you to stuff like this.

<center><b>Halloween and Faxing — A Love Story</b></center><br> This is one of those head-scratchers. Was she molested during Halloween by a fax machine? Why is she insulting me? Am I supposed to be turned on? If I told her my dad had a fax machine he never used in his home office would she get off on it?

<center><b>The Secret She Won't Tell Anyone</b></center><br> If you don't want to admit something to anyone, you probably shouldn't post it on the internet.

<center><b>An R. Kelly Fan</b></center><br> This one looks like your typical girl-next-door, right? Cute, dark hair, takes all her OKCupid photos in her ... underwear? Okay, okay, I'm not complaining, a bit odd, but who am I to judge? <i>*scroll scroll scroll*</i> Oh, wait — what's this bit about you getting peed on? You had someone pee on your face? Pee? On you? Like a toilet seat at McDonald's?

<center><b>Into The Wild</b></center><br> We live in the 21st Century, people. We have TVs, air conditioning, video games, and refrigerators. Why would you ever want to leave your house? We've beaten nature. We won. Our ancestors used their bandanas as simultaneous s**t and snot rags so we didn't have to!

<center><b>Never Stick Your D**k In Crazy</b></center><br> Ah, high school — a time where teens revolt against their overbearing religious parents by dating that "rebellious" girl from school and experimenting with light drugs and sex. Only to find out she wasn't rebellious at all, she was actually bat-s**t crazy. Her idea of a joke was secretly filming you guys getting it on and then mailing the sex tape to your parents! Brilliant! See you at the 10-year reunion!