It’s almost time to go back to school and while you’re all out there sharpening your pencils, Heavy.com’s getting into the scholastic spirit as well in the way that only a martial arts promotional website can.  We know moms, dads and students have enough on their plates already without having to cope with the additional pressures and demands of a new school year, so we’ve put together this handy back to school guide, based on our knowledge of and contact with the world of ring sports, to help you transition smoothly into the new school year.

We checked in with current UFC champion Brock Lesnar to find out the best stores to go to for deals on pens, pencils, binders and loose leaf paper.  According to Lesnar:  “Alright, look - honestly, I’m a professional athlete, and my job doesn’t involve a lot of writing. As far as that goes I don’t really have time to comparison shop anyway, so if I need to write something down I’d probably just get it from the nearest store, I mean I guess I’d check the newspaper for coupons or something if I were looking for a deal. Anyway I hope that answers that question, and I just want to remind people of my upcoming title defense against Cain Velasquez, about which I’m feeling very optimistic, as I’m in great shape, and my timing has never been better.”  When asked about ways to beat the crowds at school supply stores, Lesnar paused and replied that it would probably help if you were in great shape, and your timing had never been better.

We next interviewed Lesnar’s opponent for the world heavyweight championship title bout at UFC 121, Cain Velasquez, who shared his thoughts on staying organized throughout the school year.  Since so many students face the problem of important worksheets and notes getting lost in the huge clutter of material they transport to and from school daily, we decided to ask this professional kickboxer the best way for students to keep their study materials together.  Velasquez is soft-spoken and thoughtful in his answers.  “You can’t really relate unless you’ve lived through it or your parents lived through it.  A lot of Mexicans in the United States, they did the same thing that my grandparents did,” Velasquez says. “I’d probably just buy a folder or a binder, and put all my important papers in there.  If you had a binder you could use dividers to organize your papers by subject, or if you like using a folder, you could do the same thing with several folders.  I mean, I’m not really in any academic programs or working in a school environment right now, training to win the UFC Heavyweight title pretty much takes up all of my time, so this is just a guess based on what I’ve observed, but either of those seem like pretty good ways to keep your stuff together.  Did you have any questions about the match or was this just about worksheets?  Just worksheets, huh?  Okay, have a good one.”

Every student knows that test time is one of the most demanding parts of the school year, and many don‘t study well enough to get the grades they need, so we turned to career pugilist Kimbo Slice  for tips on how to make an A on that big final.  Kimbo paused momentarily, thoughtfully stroking his large beard, and replied “In a situation like this, what I’m saying is, you want something, you know?  I’m always trying to improve, by doing what I love, which is training every day, working on new techniques, just trying to stay in top form.  If he goes high, I’m gonna go low on him, if he goes low, I’m gonna go high on him, if he tries to take it to the ground, I’m gonna try to control the situation, and make it a striking game, but I’ve also been training a lot in terms of submission maneuvers, so I’m prepared to use those as well to defuse his striking.” replied the veteran of over a decade of brutal street fighting.  When asked what this strategy could possibly have to do with the problem of how to best prepare for an academic test, Slice replied “I’m Kimbo f*cking Slice, I’ve been fighting for fifteen years, that’s how I solve every problem.”

Getting through the school year can be a real challenge, much as the challenges issued by one fighter to another in the world of professional boxing can be real challenges later on when they result in professional fights, which are challenging.  Students raise their hands.  Professional fighters sometimes raise their hands too, when they win a fight, so that’s another  experience the two groups share.  This school year, while countless students study their textbooks and class notes in preparation for school, countless professional ring athletes will be perfecting their striking and submission maneuvers in preparation for the act of beating their opponents senseless, so while you’re sitting in class just before the end of the day waiting to be “saved by the bell” this school year, remember our helpful tips from mixed martial arts greats who while mercilessly thrashing their opponents made them wish also that they could be “saved by the bell” though in that case a ring bell and not a schoolhouse bell, since these activities are clearly very similar to one another.