FOREIGN FILTH: Penelope and Scarlett Lesbionics

What have those filthy, filthy foreigners been up to this week?

* Paul McCartney and the one-legged Heather Mills are back in divorce court, where Mills admits she cheated on the Beatle with a man who found her stumps "orgasmic"

* Pete Doherty - ex- of the Libertines and Kate Moss - is now charging $200 to perform at birthday parties. That's $5,999,800 off of Celine Dion's going rate

* The ultimate woman, Penelope Cruz, is to partake in a love scene with the other ultimate woman, Scarlett Johanssen, in the only place in the world where no one will see it: in an upcoming Woody Allen movie

* This week in Amy Winehouse: hugs and awards!

* British "glamour" model Jordan wants to sell her reduce her breast size from G to C, and sell the removed implants for $2 million

Plus, too naked for Brazil's Carnival? Turns out it *is* possible.

Stay filthy.

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The Heavy Show

THE HEAVY SHOW is a pop culture news and entertainment review, hosted by the vivacious Taryn Southern. Each week, The Heavy Show brings you spoofs, skits and hilarious coverage of the biggest names and stories in news and entertainment.