Priest

Clearly, he couldn’t have sexually assaulted a young girl because he’s enjoying a healthy sex life with his secret wife.

It’s kind of like a messed up version of Clue. “It was the priest with the meth in the rectory!”

At least he’s not a pedophile.

“It’s just like going to Denny’s except instead of two scoops ice cream it’s two scoops of priest!” — priest to kids

Paul Bettany plays a priest who disobeys church law in order to track down the vampires who kidnapped his niece.