Opinion
Don’t Slap Your Mom In The Face, Dez Bryant
Dez Bryant (of the Dallas Cowboys) was arrested for Class A Family Violence. He slapped his mom in the face. Then he pulled her hair and her clothes and bra. That s&%t ain’t ri…
action
July 17, 2012Comment-
Who Wouldn’t Want a Porn Star for an EMT? Shame on You, Roanoke
The backwoods Puritans who run Roanoke County Virginia are up in a bunch over ex porn star Harmony Rose, a volunteer EMT. She’s the only sane one in the bunch.
action
July 16, 2012 -
Will Oprah Lick Mitt Romney’s Balls or Bust Them?
The woman who got Obama elected was hanging with his nemesis on Friday.
action
July 14, 2012 -
Joe Paterno is Officially Evil & Not Iconic
Paterno knew children were being raped and didn’t stop it. He was a bad man.
action
July 12, 2012 -
West Virginia Sicko Who Chained Wife for 10 Years Deserves Taste of Ow…
A West Virginia farmer who allegedly chained his wife for 10 years was busted after the wife escaped while he was returning a roto-tiller.
action
July 11, 2012 -
It’s Time for Tom Cruise to Admit He’s Gay
With the not-so-shocking news of of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ divorce, it’s time for his sham of pretending to be a straight dude with a gorgeous lady on his arm every time he w…
movies
June 29, 2012 -
The New Zodiac And What It Means For You
It’s been revealed that the zodiac calendar has been wrong all along. What does this all mean?! Do riches, fame and everlasting love await you?
comedy
January 14, 2011 -
Lindsay Lohan Declared A Cokehead, Sent To Jail
Lindsay Lohan has been hauled off to jail yet again for being a degenerate cokehead after failing a drug test which, naturally, violated her probation.
comedy
September 24, 2010 -
Christine O’Donnell, The Tea Party And Witchcraft
Tea Party darling and Delaware Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell has come under fire for comments she made on Bill Maher’s Politically Incorrect in 1999 that seemed to indicate …
comedy
September 20, 2010 -
Is Derek Jeter A Cheater?
Baseball fans are all up in arms because Derek Jeter, the iconic shortstop for the New York Yankees, claimed to be hit by a pitch that replays showed never touched him.
comedy
September 17, 2010 -
Lance Armstrong: What’s The Story?
With the Tour de France underway in, uh, France, so begins the time of year when people pretend to actually care about racing bicycles.
comedy
July 6, 2010 -
The Redemption of Tom Cruise
Everyone is saying crap like Tom Cruise is back and how the country loves him again after his MTV Movie Awards performance. I say not so fast.
comedy
June 7, 2010 -
Did LeBron James’ Mom Really Sleep With Delonte West?
Over the weekend, rumors popped up that LeBron James’ mom had an affair with his teammate, Delonte West. I’ll just let that sink in for a minute before I continue.
comedy
May 17, 2010 -
So Just What Does A Hung Parliament Mean?
We here at Heavy believe that education is important, especially because the robot wars are coming, so we’re going to teach you just what a Hung Parliament really means.
comedy
May 7, 2010 -
TV Shows That Need Vampires
Vampires are all the rage these days. It seems like studio execs everywhere are noticing that girls are ready to throw their dollar bills and their panties at everyone from Edward …
comedy
November 17, 2009
Staff Picks