Opinion

  1. Sadist James Dolan Wants to Torture Knicks Fans in Isiah Thomas Dungeon

    Isiah Thomas is coming back to the Knicks. Ready your suicide katanas, Knicks fans, the good times have ended.

    September 10, 2012
  2. Could Hologram Jesus Be the RNC Mystery Speaker?

    The Republican National Convention has a mystery speaker. Let me get my House cane and try to figure out who it is.

    August 30, 2012
  3. New Jersey Aims to Outlaw Dogs’ Happiness

    New Jersey is trying to outlaw dogs sticking their heads out the window. Clearly the most pressing issue of our time.

    August 30, 2012
  4. Terrible Mom Humiliates Pothead Son with Cruel Walk of Shame

    Oh good, just what every child needs, a public shaming. There’s no way that could possibly backfire.

    August 27, 2012
  5. National Go Topless Day is August 26 — Breast Power!

    The end of summer is upon us and that means it’s time for National Go Topless day on August 26. We’re guessing there’s gonna be a lot of men calling out “sick” that day.

    August 24, 2012
  6. Gun Control: It’s About Damn Time We Discussed It

    Gun violence is a problem in the US. Shouldn’t we at least discuss how to fix it?

    August 14, 2012
  7. Brangelina Wedding + Pitts’ 50th is a Double F**k-You to Gays

    Brangelina’s marriage and the anniversary celebration of Pitt’s bigot mom both show the power couple don’t give a crap about the gay community.

    August 10, 2012
  8. ‘ALF’ Movie is a Go But Will Suck Because He Won’t Be a Puppet

    The film adaptation of ‘ALF’ is on the way and here’s the bad news: ALF won’t be a puppet. Boooooo.

    August 9, 2012
  9. NYC Mayor Bloomberg Says No to Free Vibrators, Leaves Thousands of Women Unfulfilled

    New York City shut down a vibrator giveaway. City gov. voted biggest party pooper of the year.

    August 9, 2012
  10. Yes, Michael Phelps, You’re Just Like Michael Jordan: A Douche

    By comparing himself to Michael Jordan, Michael Phelps showed just how much he is exactly like Michael Jordan.

    August 6, 2012
  11. If You’re Not on Facebook, You’re an Unemployed Psychopath

    Normal people use Facebook. Psycho killers don’t.

    August 6, 2012
  12. Pop Music’s Suckiness Now Proven by Science

    Pop music is terrible. Science has proved this. Take that, Katie Perry!

    July 26, 2012
  13. Global Elite Hide $32 Trillion in Offshore Accounts: Maybe Bane’s Onto Something

    According to a new report the global elite are hiding up to $32 trillion in offshore tax havens. I don’t even think my brain can compute that number.

    July 23, 2012
  14. Is Your School the Next Penn State? Cult Colleges Breed Coverups

    I know you’re going to say no. There’s no way your school, a paragon of excellence and morality, could every possibly be the next Penn State. Except for where it could.

    July 23, 2012
  15. Obama Rejects Marijuana for PTSD, Ignoring Military Suicide Epidemic

    The White House rejects a petition to legalize marijuana for PTSD sufferers while suicide among soldiers is at an alarming rate. Will this move sacrifice lives?

    July 18, 2012