Gen. David Petraeus

Sorry, Kelley, the Petraeus scandal is, like, so three months ago.

He’s been known as the “Assassination Czar” and was criticized for supporting torture — but he didn’t bang his biographer, so there’s that.

Petraeus mistress won’t face charges for calling out Jill Kelley in emails.

Jill Kelley has fallen down yet another rung in Tampa’s vibrant social standings, she’s now on a par with Jerramy Stevens!

Jill Kelley got another blow on the way to Popularityville, when the South Koreans dumped her from their events.

But has she apologized yet to Holly Petraeus?

Guess you’re really nobody until you can hire Gloria Allred, are you?

You know it was only a matter of time. But where is Tina Fey when we need her playing Paula Broadwell?

If you have to avoid the media, it helps to have a brother with a nice house.

Of course the Petraeus scandal now involves Bubba the Love Sponge. Because this is Amurrica, dammit.

They were last seen together at the OSS Society’s annual award ceremony before the scandal went public.

Big Lebowski star Jeff Bridges is the odds-on favorite to play disgraced ex-CIA Head David Petraeus.

The mistress told a crowd that the general was “quite a physical specimen.” Hey-yo!

He successfully represented Bill Clinton and John Edwards. Now this bigshot takes his talents to the Petraeus scandal on behalf of “other woman” Jill Kelley.

The disgraced former CIA head makes a cameo appearance in the latest Call of Duty: Black Ops video game.