It seems like every other week, back in the day, a sitcom would trot out a "very special episode," where things got serious and Bob Saget would give us some Real Talk about an issue of the day, like cancer or the environment or environmental cancer. Alas, the VSE seems to have gone the way of the dodo, but I got blazed and decided to come up with a Top 10 list of my faves in the annals of television history. If you watch all of these, you'll learn something about humanity and the bad things that happen to them.

A Different World - No Means No When Denise stepped out of the comfortable sweater of The Cosby Show to go to college, she entered a very different world indeed. This unforgettable episode sees star baseball player Garth Parks (played by Taimak from The Last Dragon!) introduced as a possible love interest for Freddie Brooks. But Garth doesn't ask for sex - he takes it, and at a dance he tries to force himself on Freddie only to get beaten down by campus nerd Dwayne in a lovely bit of fantasy. Then Sinbad takes his ass to J-A-I-L jail.

Family Ties - Say Uncle You have to love casting Tom Hanks as a drunken, violent black sheep. He made several appearances on Family Ties as the disgusting Uncle Ned, but his sophomore gig is one of the best. Not only does he toss back the booze with abandon, he also backhands smug young repub Alex across the face accidentally on purpose. Ned also teaches a generation of impressionable young Americans that it's possible to get blotto on vanilla extract, so this qualifies as edutainment.

All In The Family - Edith's 50th Birthday Being married to Archie Bunker, one of television's most popular racists, must have been a non-stop ordeal. So what did poor long-suffering Edith Bunker get for her fiftieth birthday? Raped! Well, attempted raped, at least. When a rapist posing as an undercover cop tries to get jiggy with Edie's saggy woman-parts, Archie needs to convince her that life's worth living again.

Saved By The Bell - Jessie's Song This is one of the greatest melodramatic moments in teen TV history, where Jessie Spano (played by the great thespian Elizabeth Berkeley) gets addicted to caffeine pills to provide the energy she needs to perform with her new singing group, Hot Sundaes. Alas, the rigors of showbiz life proved too much for Jessie to bear, and she breaks down in front of Zack in spectacular fashion.

The Facts Of Life - Legacy This is a great one - Facts Of Life had a ton of VSEs, but this one really brought the simmering racial tension to the forefront. The girls of Eastland are brutally scandalized when it's revealed that Blair's grandfather was a proud member of the Ku Klux Klan. What does she do? Does she burn a cross on Tootie's lawn to get in touch with her roots? Alas, no, just a lot of tearful white guilt - the most delicious kind.

Doug - Doug's Chubby Buddy Even cartoons aren't immune to the Very Special Episode plague. We have fond memories of the adventures of Doug Funnie, but this one almost ruins the whole thing. When Patty Mayonnaise develops body dysmorphic disorder, we take a disquieting journey into a world of extreme weight loss, with Patty and pals shedding pounds like crazy while Doug's busy catching a sea monster in the B-plot. The show ends with Patty offering advice and contact information for organizations to help teen pukers.

Walker Texas Ranger - Lucas This is maybe the most notorious Walker moment of all time, a Very Special Episode that took two episodes to get done. Walker finds a seven year old kid locked in a closet after a drug raid, and the pair buddy up. Guess what? He has AIDS, too! Young Lucas sets out to find his Mom, a junkie who took off running when the cops showed up, and through the holy guidance of Walker and his mighty roundhouse kicks becomes the world's youngest AIDS activist and then dies off-screen.

Punky Brewster - Urban Fear What genius thought that it would make a good 22 minutes of comedy to pit a young girl with pigtails and her curmudgeonly foster parent up against a bona fide serial killer? That's what happens in "Urban Fear." The Northside Stalker has been slaughtering his way through Chicago, racking up eight victims in record time. Punky is consumed with terror that Henry will be number nine (like the Beatles song), and essentially has a nervous breakdown in front of an audience of millions of American kids. Big laffs! Honorable mention to the series finale as well, which was about the Challenger space shuttle explosion.

Home Improvement - The Longest Day Horrible diseases are one of the most common topics for VSEs - cancer, AIDS, you name it and a show has tried to wring ratings out of it. But this bizarre episode of Home Improvement afflicted young Randy, played by Jonathan Taylor Thomas, with... a goiter. Yes, that swelling of the lymphatic glands in the neck caused by a lack of iodine. Twenty-two minutes later, we have a montage of Randy's life set to "Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong. Is that really necessary?

Different Strokes - The Bicycle Man This is one of the most famous Very Special Episodes of all time, just for how demented and clueless the storyline is. That lovable midget Arnold and his pal Dudley make friends with a bike shop owner, not realizing that he's actually a nefarious kiddy-diddler who has designs on their swimsuit area. This was pre-Chris Hansen America, and the pedo managed to get Arnold and Dudley into the hot tub in their tightey whiteys before the law intervened.