It's time for your thumbs to cower in fear, as another batch of new video games is hitting shelves, e-shelves, and cyber-shelves the world over. Last week saw a number of triple-A titles like Brutal Legend and Uncharted 2. This week - well, this week lets me make a lot more jokes. Let's get down to the game.

CSI 5 - This is the closest thing to an actual game anywhere on this list - a first-person adventure game based on the long-running show where they get DNA from gross things and use it to put guest stars in prison. There have been five of them, which is I guess proof that somebody is playing them.

Charm Girls Club My Perfect Prom - Having a hard time figuring out what the target audience is for this. Is it high school girls who are so socially ostracized that they can't hope to go to an actual prom in meatspace? Is it pre-teen girls who haven't been inducted into the soul-crushing rat race of high school? Is it pedophiles?

Alien Monster Bowling League - You expect me to believe that alien civilizations are stupid enough to bowl but organized enough to form leagues? Why not throw in zombies and ninjas and pirates and Chuck Norris and just push the idiotic Internet wacky meter to over 9000? You asshole.

Coldstone: Scoop It Up - This is a game for the Wii where you pretend to work at Cold Stone Creamery. But you don't get paid - in fact, you pay for the game. Why would you do that? Is America so fat and retarded that working a virtual minimum-wage job is considered fun? Don't answer that. I'm waiting for the developer to reuse the engine for 42nd Street Peep Show: Mop It Up.

Margot's Bepuzzled - Well then Margot should stop bedoing bedrugs.