Nothing to see here, folks: Jimmy Hoffa's still missing.
The former teamsters chief disappeared in 1975, and since that time, feds and local officials, hoping to make their mark in crime history, have been digging up sites all around the country every time some aging mobster decides to clear his conscience.
Problem is, no matter how much they dig, Hoffa's still missing. And after official poked around under a driveway outside Detroit on Friday they found one more thing. He's still missing.
Roseville, Mich. Police Chief James Berlin told CNN he just wants to "bring closure" to Hoffa's family and "tens of thousands of Teamsters that idolize this man."
Not to mention, finding that long-lost body would probably look damn good on any police department's wall of fame. But Berlin doesn't really think Hoffa's buried under the driveway at the house in his town either, even though that house was used back in the day for a mob gambling operation.
1. Officials Take Soil Samples at the Home
Years ago, when someone said they knew where Hoffa's buried, police used to go in with back hoes and start digging. If you bought a house and didn't know the mob used to use your kitchen to cook up deals, that really sucked when your property got dug up in search of some dead guy. So this time around, they took soil samples from under the former mob hangout's storage shed, after they broke through a concrete floor. The samples will be tested for traces of human remains, because if there's any of Hoffa left, there's not much there. They'll say Monday if they found anything but as for now there's no body parts or bones.
2. There's SOMETHING There
The tipster didn't come forward sooner because he was afraid. And when police used ground-penetrating radar, they found something under the storage shed. Whether it's Hoffa or someone just buried a dog or even their trash out there, nobody knows yet.
Flash: Jimmy Hoffa, born 99 years ago, is almost certainly buried somewhere. If we find him, what do we do then? Leave flowers?
— Roger Ebert (@ebertchicago) September 29, 2012
3. The Tipster Called an Author With the News
Dan Moldea, who wrote "The Hoffa Wars," said he heard from the man in March and told him to call the police. Must have been an interesting call. The tipster was a former gambler who did business someone tied to mobster Anthony Giacalone, who was to meet with Hoffa when he disappeared. When you write something called the "Hoffa Wars," you understand these relationships, we're guessing.
4. Hoffa Was No Angel But He had Power
Hoffa was booted from the Teamsters when he went to federal prison in 1967 for jury tampering and fraud. and President Richard Nixon pardoned him in 1971, as long as he stayed out of labor until 1980.
5. Millions of Dollars Disappeared With Hoffa
President Richard Nixon pardoned Hoffa in 1971 on the condition that he not try to get back into the union movement before 1980. But just two weeks before Hoffa disappeared, so did millions of dollars from the Teamsters' largest pension fund. That hasn't turned up yet either. Concidence? Not likely.
6. Hoffa Was Meeting Up With the Mob
Hoffa was last seen on July 30, 1975 at a Detroit restaurant, where he went to meet with Giacolone and Anthony Provenzano, a Teamsters local chief from New Jersey. They're not talking about where Hoffa's body is -- they're both dead.
Hoffa thought Giacalone set up the meeting to help him settle a fight with Provenzano. Neither guy showed up and later, both of them to the FBI no meeting was scheduled.
7. And Let the Digging Begin
FBI agents found Hoffa's DNA in 2001 in a car they suspected was used his disappearance. In 2004, they removed floorboards from a Detroit house after former Teamsters official Frank Sheeran claimed he killed Hoffa. Then two years later, they tore down a horse barn in Michigan after getting a "credible lead."
Nope, not there, either. Or in the other places they've been digging in ever since the 1970s. Where's Jimmy?
8. He is Not Under the Old Giants Stadium End Zone
That's an old rumor -- and it's been dug up. Nope, not there either.
9. Was the Government Involved?
Joe Franco, a former Hoffa enforcer, wrote a book, "Hoffa's Man," where he floats a government conspiracy theory, says Fortune.
"Rather than being kidnapped by rival union forces as law enforcement authorities have long speculated, Franco says Hoffa was abducted by two federal agents He thinks they drove Hoffa to a nearby airport, took off in a small plane, and pushed him out over one of the Great Lakes. Franco says he did not tell federal investigators this bizarre, and unverifiable, story because they would not grant him immunity."
10. Hoffa's Son Runs the Teamsters
Hoffa's son, James P. Hoffa, is the current president of the Teamsters. They're not as powerful as they used to be, but that doesn't mean they have no power.