Get Your Dirty Hands Off Aaliyah’s Corpse, Drake

Hey, remember Aaliyah? Talented, soulful singer with a bright future who died way too early? The one whose legend lives on because the force of her talent was so undeniable? Yeah, you know what she doesn’t need? Drake.

For some unknown reason mediocre rapper Drake has decided he needs to resurrect Aaliyah. He’s producing her final unfinished album. And if that wasn’t bad enough, oh look, surprise surprise, he’s guesting on some of the tracks.

Look, Drake, I know you jerked off to Aaliyah back in middle school, but that doesn’t give you the right to do unspeakable things to her legacy. Yes, it would be nice to have a new Aaliyah album, but guess who’s not the right guy to put that together: Drake! He’s not smart enough and not talented enough.

Drake

Drake is very serious about stuff

He’s released the first song from the album called “Enough Said” by Aaliyah featuring Drake. No, I can’t believe I just said the words Aaliyah featuring Drake either, but welcome to the music industry where grinding down talented, unique individuals into cynical, mediocre commerce is the daily business plan. Listen to it above.

You here what’s wrong with that song? It’s not Aaliyah. She still sounds great after being dead for 11 years. Is it the lazy, boring beat? Closer. That’s definitely one of the things wrong with this song. Is it Drake saying “What’s up?” over and over again for no reason and then entering the track for an unnecessary rap interlude that seems completely out of character with the rest of the song? Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

Seriously, this just seems unseemly. Leave aside the fact that if anyone’s going to be “featured” on an Aaliyah track 11 years after her death it should be Missy Elliot, it just plain doesn’t fit. There’s no reason for Drake to be on the track. His “what’s up”s are especially annoying and brotastic and take you completely out of the track. Drake’s interlude sounds like a 5th grader interrupting a professional piano recital to bang on the keys.

Seriously, Drake, stay away from Aaliayah.

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