15 Things Xbox One Does That They Didn’t Tell You

Published:1:56 pm EDT, May 21, 2013| Updated:3:22 pm EDT, May 21, 2013|

The Xbox One can command your TV, internet and gaming experience like no other system before, but it does a lot of other cool stuff you don't know about, too. These are just a few of the additional features that weren't revealed at the big announcement.

Xbox One can also...

1. Pay back your student loans.

2. Make you a delicious quiche.

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3. Jerk you off.

4. Visit your in-laws so you don't have to.

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5. Listen to your girlfriend talk about her bad day.

6. Sell you weed.

7. Dispense bacon upon request.

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8. Impregnant your teenage daughter.

9. Craft traditional Native American pottery.

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10. Take photos of your food.

11. Plays non-Xbox games.

12. Turn water into wine.

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13. Walk your dog.

14. Sing Journey's Greatet Hits better than Steve Perry ever could.

15. Improve your life (no, really, it can and it WILL).

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