Lindsay Lohan has been hauled off to jail yet again for being a degenerate cokehead after failing a drug test which, naturally, violated her probation. Sadly it would seem that not even an apology via twitter could save her from this inevitable doom. Of course, the context of that apology is important too. I mean, I doubt she was in church, praying and then decided to fire off a twitter apology. More likely, she was downing Jack and Cokes while her assistant apologized for her.
Still, she apologized, and normally in Hollywood, at least from what I understand, a twitter apology is considered an appropriate mea culpa. In fact, most of our celebrity scandals could have easily been avoided in the past if twitter had only been around to save the day. All they would have needed to do was fire off a 14o character or less apology and we could have all moved on with our lives. Sure, it didn't work for Lindsay Lohan, but that's ignoring one fundamental truth: no one likes Lindsay Lohan. That's her true downfall here. She's been pulling this crap for what feels like 20 years. Yes, since she was 4 years old.
Anyway, even though it didn't work for Lohan doesn't mean that it won't work for others and that it wouldn't have worked in the past. Imagine if the following tweets would have taken place. You would have forgiven and forgotten and the world would be a better place because of it, right?
@OJHeisman68: Oops! lol killed Nicole & sum waiter gotta give AC a call get the bronco ready dude
@SpecterWallofSound: Was teaching some bimbo how to clean my gun (lol not like that) & it went off in her face. Oops!
@MadMexMel: lol I think I might have punched my baby but Oksana was being a Jew I'll call & apologize
@DowneySoft: Woke up in a crib wearing a tutu. Don't know how I got there, was chased by angry parents. May have a drug problem. Stay tuned.
@KingOfPop: Bubbles got high and stopped breathing what do I do? Also, sorry I spilled wine on your son's penis. We were playing a game. #i'llgiveyouamilliondollarsifyoudon'tpresscharges
@RomanPolanski: I swear I thought she was 18! And as for the drugs . . . brb fueling the jet.
@BlackMambaKobe: At jewelry store in Denver. Need to buy wife something reeeeeally nice. Any suggestions?
@KramerCosmo: I'll admit, last night's stand up routine could've gone better. I just hate hecklers, especially black ones. #noracist
@BritBrit: lol sorry 4 showin ya'll my cooter jaden get momma sum more cheetos
@UncleAdolf: I just wanted to start a summer camp for Jews & everything got outta hand. My bad.
Those all would have made things so much easier, right? Sadly for Lindsay Lohan, she lacks the inherent likability of all of those famous folks. Yes, even Hitler. She'll have plenty of time to think about her next tweet, though, while she's locked away in jail. I'm sure that this time she'll leave rehabilitated and won't dive face first into a mountain of cocaine as soon as she's released. She's learned her lesson. Her assistant - or whoever the hell tweets for her - said so.
