Oh, celebrities: they suck, yet we can't stop thinking about them. But who is truly the world's most worthless celebrity? Here at Heavy, we use science to answer these questions. Using a complex series of algorithms that monitor blog mentions, videos, and other Internet and media traffic, we have distilled the world's celebrities into an orderly list of 100 attention-seeking douchebags. Every day, we'll debut another entry on the list, counting down to the ultimate celebrity trainwreck.
Usually, to be a film director, you need to possess some degree of mental stability – putting a movie together is a long and arduous task, after all, requiring excellent communication skills and a calm demeanor. Thankfully, our entry in the Trainwreck 100 today boasts none of those virtues. In addition to making some of the worst movies to hit theaters in the last decade, he seems to honestly believe that his films (most of which are loosely based on video game licenses he acquired on the cheap and funded by the government of his home country, which gives huge tax breaks to crappy movies) are good! Whenever his movies bomb at the box office and are savaged by critics, he has a new excuse, from studio chicanery to racism. He's even gone so far as to fistfight reviewers who have slagged his product. And yet he soldiers on, with no fewer than four flicks in development as I write this. Who's the trainwreck?
No duh – it's Dr. Uwe Boll. The German-born filmmaker responsible for such gems as Bllodrayne, Postal, and TKTK has that perfect blend of talentlessness and ego that make for an all-time great trainwreck. Holding a world record for directing the most movies based on video games (eight!), Boll has a huckster's gift for getting cash from German investors based on these licenses, only to crap out flicks that tank at the box office time after time. But it's not the fault of Dr. Boll, oh no. In The Name Of The King flopped because it was released opposite First Sunday and American audiences are reverse racist. Boll fistfights critics (as a trained boxer, he has no problem whipping their asses, but when Heavy pal Seanbaby, who trains in BJJ, offered to fight him, Boll ran away crying), sends incoherent emails to magazines, and can't seem to make a dime, but he keeps on keeping on. And that's an admirable trait for a trainwreck. Enjoy this amazing Discovery Channel documentary on Dr. Boll.
