Twitter connects us with the funny people we love and the celebrities whose lunch we just have to see. There are basically three types of comedians on Twitter: famous, Twitter famous, and unknown. The top three most popular comics are Ellen Degeneres, Jimmy Fallon and Daniel Tosh. Now, these people have good Twitter accounts, but they were already famous. They didn't earn their way to the top by tweeting — that honor goes to people who are Twitter famous. Folks like @robdelaney, @meganamram and @neilhamburger.
And while all of these people make me laugh, well, as usual, someone on Twitter has already put it better...
Twitter: Come for the celebrities and stay for the amazing minds we never knew existed.
— Tommy Go Blah! (@TommyKarate) August 27, 2012
@tommykarate didn't quite crack the list, but we'll just call him 11. And now for the Top 10 Funniest Twitter Users You've Never Heard Of.
10. Jason Miller @longwall26
Jason's tweets range from absurdist imagery to those clever turns of phrase. His highs might not the be the highest, but he's one of the most consistent tweeps out there.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not sharks though. Or bees. Viruses. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don't love anything.
— Jason Miller (@longwall26) September 1, 2012
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
— Jason Miller (@longwall26) September 26, 2012
Depressed? Just imagine Ozzy Osbourne struggling to pour a giant jar of change into a Coinstar.
— Jason Miller (@longwall26) December 15, 2012
Check out more of his best tweets here.
9. The Dork @the_dorkster
The Dork invokes pop culture in these tweets, but really his name says it all: He's a lame dude, but it's funny.
I know women like to be mysterious, but turn signals are for safety.
— The Dork (@The_Dorkster) October 16, 2012
Why not just go to a club where the roof is already high enough?
— The Dork (@The_Dorkster) April 3, 2012
I should have known it wasn't going to be a real Supercut when they put my cape on backwards.
— The Dork (@The_Dorkster) July 2, 2012
Check out more of his best tweets here.
8. egg dog @egg_dog
egg dog is that weird funny, that bizarre "who hurt you?"; it's like being zapped with a ha-ha-tazer.
facte: you eat 28 spiders in your lifetime. always 28. if you are about to die and you have only eaten 3 then 25 spiders arrive at once
— egg dog (@egg_dog) June 20, 2012
imagine a reverse pizza. the missing hole on the table where the pizza is meant to be. everything else is pizza. the solar system. the air.
— egg dog (@egg_dog) December 6, 2012
“lets take this club to the next level!” the dj shouted. unfortunately the next level was a boss stage and most of us died
— egg dog (@egg_dog) September 21, 2012
Check out more of his/her/its best tweets here.
7. I Hate Kate @superapple8
Kate is that nice girl friend everyone has who is secretly grosser than you are. Also, you want to bang her, and she wants to bang you, but it's never at the same time.
All I want in life is to be cool enough to cut up slices of an apple and eat them directly from the knife.
— I Hate Kate (@SuperApple8) November 9, 2012
*walks in the front door**rips off pants**throws arms up in the air**screams "FREEDOM!**scares cat**apologizes to cat**dies alone*
— I Hate Kate (@SuperApple8) November 2, 2012
I can't judge the man for fucking a pie. If I had a dick, I'd do the same thing. I'd put it everywhere. I would've typed this with my dick.
— I Hate Kate (@SuperApple8) October 22, 2012
Check out more of her best tweets here.
6. Wolf Puppy @wolf_pupy
This guy makes egg dog seem tame in the weirdness department: hilarious, poetic, and 'lolwut' to the max.
love is not saying anything but knowing youre both thinking about cool and fast trains
— wolf puppy (@wolfpupy) November 18, 2012
[hands you a bag of little plastic horses] hold on to your horses [knocks bag out of your hands sending horses flying] wHAT DID I JUST SAY
— wolf puppy (@wolfpupy) August 11, 2012
a dog slowly rolls past you in a red plastic baby car. this is a bad neighborhood
— wolf puppy (@wolfpupy) September 19, 2011
Check out more of his/her/its best tweets here.
5. It's Rowlf, Bitch @irowlf
More conventional than his animal peers, but irowlf brings some wit and pop culture to the realms of absurdity.
Ewoks are just homeless Care Bears that sold their magical powers for meth.
— It's Rowlf, Bitch (@iRowlf) September 12, 2012
If you divide a Coke Zero and share it with a friend, it'll mess up space-time continuum and your friend will become a velociraptor.
— It's Rowlf, Bitch (@iRowlf) December 6, 2012
"Yo, somebody filled this calzone with a checkbook and sunglasses!"-Vin Diesel eating a purse
— It's Rowlf, Bitch (@iRowlf) October 28, 2012
Check out more of his/her/its best tweets here.
4. Nathan Buckley @duplicitron
A sharp word player with a sense of funny that's tough to beat, he also just likes to mess with people.
You're hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, "No one will ever believe you."
— Nathan Buckley (@duplicitron) October 6, 2012
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
— Nathan Buckley (@duplicitron) November 16, 2012
I accidentally left a blood orange next to a crip orange and now there’s fucking juice everywhere.
— Nathan Buckley (@duplicitron) August 26, 2012
Check out more of his best tweets here.
3. donni @donni
Donni can border on the poetic/inspirational, but when he aims for laughs, he hits harder than almost anyone.
If you call Starbucks "Starbs," I hope you get totes murds.
— donni(@donni) August 31, 2011
Dude, if you really want Jessie's girl, find out her name.
— donni(@donni) May 18, 2010
Time machine jokes aren't funny, you guys. My great grandson dies in a time machine crash.
— donni(@donni) April 28, 2012
2. Jessica @schmoodles
Jessica is proof that women really are funnier than men. She likes to talk about what she wants, but honestly she makes me feel so wimpy, I prefer her non-gender-related tweets.
For fuck's sake, Dora. It's 2012. GPS that shit.
— Jessica (@Schmoodles) December 17, 2012
The word 'phonetically' doesn't even start with an f.Shit like this is why aliens fly straight past us.
— Jessica (@Schmoodles) May 28, 2012
Having a small dick is the leading cause of acting like a big one.
— Jessica (@Schmoodles) September 17, 2012
1. Snorklhuahua @weinerdog4life
Snorklhuahua just knows how to combine the absurd with the rational in a way that just doesn't get old. He can turn a phrase as well as any other, and his witticisms are great, but I think he's best when he gets just plain weird.
Justin Beiber has 23 million followers and I just got unfollowed by a horse magazine.
— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) June 22, 2012
I don't understand a word coming out of this girls boobs.
— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) February 22, 2012
Ever get that feeling that you're watching someone?
— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) December 26, 2012
Know someone funnier? Thought you should've been on the list? Think the author of this has good taste? Tweet @dannyvegasucks on twitter for his own much attempts at humor and plenty of great RTs.
