If 2011 was the year of the meme then 2012 was the year of the fake Twitter account. It seems that the second any major news hits a fake Twitter account pops up to put a comedic spin on the story. The presidential election, Hurricane Sandy and endless streams of pop culture news made way for a perfect storm of fake accounts that helped distract us from our jobs, school work and loved ones.
Who had the best faux-Tweets this past year? Check out our list of the Top 15 fake Twitter accounts of 2012!
1. @NotAPoliceman
This is my Tweeter of 2012. Not A Cop is the Twitter account of someone who is "totally not a cop. Why would you even say that? You know what? I bet you're a cop! You NARC! I swear, I'm totally not a cop. Can I have some drugs to buy please?"
Yo, Nothing More "Swag" Than Respecting Authority
— Not A Cop (@NotAPoliceman) September 24, 2012
Hmmmm how many laws should I break today
— Not A Cop (@NotAPoliceman) October 11, 2012
2. @ZooeyAsksSiri
Zooey Deschanel has catapulted her status of "that cute girl in that one movie" to being a full-fledged A-Lister. The New Girl is one of the biggest shows on TV and Zooey's quirky behavior has become nothing short of a societal trend among girls aged 12-45. Need proof? Anyone who had stock in Ukulele Companies and stores that sell Skorts are now millionaires. Here is a Twitter account of Zooey Deschanel asking Siri questions:
Siri, which is more curious, cats or monkeys?
— Zooey Asks Siri (@ZooeySiri) November 18, 2012
Siri, find me a list of ferret riddles.
— Zooey Asks Siri (@ZooeySiri) December 2, 2012
3. @ElBloombito
Michael Bloomberg is TERRIBLE at Spanish. Here are some of his Hurricane Sandy Tweets geared towards the Latin community of New York:
Don't drinko el agua de floodo! Esta tiene el plaguero y el virus del zombie!
— Miguel Bloombito (@ElBloombito) October 31, 2012
El wiñdo can que picko something up y que throw it at usted. Esta fatalidad!
— Miguel Bloombito (@ElBloombito) October 29, 2012
Cuidado! El warningo de rapido speed wiñds esta en effecto!
— Miguel Bloombito (@ElBloombito) November 7, 2012
4. @KimKierkegaard
Kim Kierkegaardashian is part terrible and part inspirational. This weird combination of Kim Kardashian soundbites and Kierkegaard sayings is oddly zen.
Kanye and I are in Venice, walking around and taking in the sights. I wonder if he is capable of knowing anything about the truth.
— KimKierkegaardashian (@KimKierkegaard) October 23, 2012
My white Givenchy necklace is the perfect complement to my dark and bitter secrets.
— KimKierkegaardashian (@KimKierkegaard) October 21, 2012
5. @HonestToddler
Honest Toddler tells it like it is... Toddler Style.
If you get fired for having a blanket at work, well, that's just more blanket time at home. Amirite?
— Honest Toddler (@HonestToddler) November 27, 2012
There are thousands of juices on the market. If I could find work and had money, I'd buy them all.
— Honest Toddler (@HonestToddler) November 27, 2012
6. @RealSandyCane
Hurricane Sandy was the most devastating disaster ever to hit the East Coast. Billions of dollars of property damage, hundreds of deaths and thousands left without homes. To put it bluntly, Sandy was a real Bizzznatch. Here are some of Sandy's own live tweets during the storm:
OH SHIT I JUST BLEW A COP CAR INTO A DONUT SHOP YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME BRO.
— HURRICANE SANDY (@realsandycane) October 30, 2012
DIS BITCH STANDIN OUTSIDE YELLIN "SANDY YOU AIN'T SHIT" SO I THREW A FUCKING MINIVAN AT HER. NOW WHAT BITCH?!?
— HURRICANE SANDY (@realsandycane) October 30, 2012
7. @InvisibleObama
The highlight of the presidential election wasn't made by President Obama, Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan or Joe Biden. Nope, the real highlight of the election was made by Clint Eastwood and an empty chair. The RNC played host to Clint Eastwood yelling at an empty chair that he claimed was seating an invisible President Obama. Here is the Twitter account where the chair fights back.
For the next debate, I'm thinking about being Patrick Swayze to my visible self's Whoopi Goldberg.
— Invisible Obama (@InvisibleObama) October 4, 2012
Flattered that J.K. Rowling chose to write her first post-Harry Potter book, “The Casual Vacancy”, about me.
— Invisible Obama (@InvisibleObama) September 27, 2012
8. @FakeLouieEps
Fake Louie Episodes is your one-stop shop for Louie fan fiction.
Louie starts dating a florist. Gets broken up with when he brings her flowers from a different shop. Dunks a basketball.
— Fake Louie Episodes (@FakeLouieEps) November 24, 2012
Martin Short invites Louie to play tennis. Louie says no.
— Fake Louie Episodes (@FakeLouieEps) September 28, 2012
Louie gets cast in a new David Mamet play. Gets fired because he can't talk fast enough. Builds a shelf.
— Fake Louie Episodes (@FakeLouieEps) October 12, 2012
9. @PaulRyansAbs
In 2008 the Republicans gave men some eye candy to get excited about when they chose Sarah Palin to be McCain's running mate. Well, 2012 was all about gettin' ladiezzz their jollies. Paul Ryan was the fresh-faced VP nominee with the ideals of Ronald Reagan and the abs of Channing Tatum. Here are the top tweets from the rock hard abs of Paul Ryan:
Hurricane Isaac is headed toward Tampa, time to board up!#washboard #RomneyRyan2012
— Paul Ryan's Abs (@PaulRyansAbs) August 24, 2012
Just got my post P90X rub down!The man has hands of a patriarch.#RomneyRyan2012
— Paul Ryan's Abs (@PaulRyansAbs) August 15, 2012
10. @AdelesExBF
Adele has become one of the biggest names in music. Her soulful and powerful voice seems to be fueled by the pain induced by her former lovers. Well, you've heard her side of the story, now you get to hear theirs.
Adele could not figure out how to unwrap a stick of butter. She straight-up could not do it. I did it for her every single time.
— Adele's Ex BF (@AdelesExBF) March 4, 2012
Adele called her vagina "her vagesty" and made me bow to it before we had sex.
— Adele's Ex BF (@AdelesExBF) February 25, 2012
Whenever Adele would see a baby, she would always ask me, "Haven't you always wondered what a baby would taste like?"
— Adele's Ex BF (@AdelesExBF) May 27, 2012
11. @OldHossRadbourn
Modern sports commentary as told over by Old Hoss Radbourn, a former Major League pitcher who played for Boston in the late 1800s.
Odd to see a modern victory by Redskins that does not involve a casino.
— Old Hoss Radbourn (@OldHossRadbourn) December 4, 2012
Speaking as a drunken whoremongerer, I hope you scribes do the right thing and keep those PED users out of my pristine Hall of Fame.
— Old Hoss Radbourn (@OldHossRadbourn) November 28, 2012
12. @YourAwayMessage
If you were above the age of 12 in the early 2000s, chances are you had an AIM account and that account was full of crappy away messages. Quotes from Blink 182 songs, randomly placed caps lock and the abbreviation "BBL." Here is the Twitter account with every away message you've ever had.
um yeah my real friends know I HATE drama so say what you want. back ~*~*later*~*~
— your away message (@YourAwayMessage) November 15, 2012
cELeBraTinG mY bdaY aT tHe plaCe wHerE it ALL bEGaN w/ mIKe - APPLeBeEs! xX leaVe bDaY loVe! Xx
— your away message (@YourAwayMessage) November 27, 2012
13. @Drunkenpredator
This military drone would easily fail a blood-alcohol breath test ... if it had blood for the alcohol to go into.
I guess my invitation got lost in the mail? MT @gregpmiller: CIA press release says agency had booths at Arab festivals in AZ, CA
— Drunk Predator Drone (@drunkenpredator) November 6, 2012
LESS SMALL BUSINESS, MORE EXPLOSIONS
— Drunk Predator Drone (@drunkenpredator) October 23, 2012
14. @Justin_Buber
"Combining the pop stylings of Justin Bieber with the existential wisdom of philosopher Martin Buber." Sometimes the Internet does something amazing. Sometimes it does stuff like this:
Baby I can take u places u aint never been before. Many ecstasies of love are just the lover’s delight in his own possibilities.
— Justin Buber (@Justin_Buber) July 2, 2012
When one goes out truly to meet the world, one goes out also to God. So let the music blast, we gon' do our dance.
— Justin Buber (@Justin_Buber) October 7, 2011
15. @Fake_Prokhorov
Fake Mikhail Prokorov is the best fake twitter account for NBA fans. Mikhail is the outspoken and UBER Russian owner of the New York Nets. "Russian Mark Cuban" is pretty much the closest thing that Russia will ever get to having an eccentric oil billionaire Cowboy who owns an American sports team. Follow this Twitter account if you like anti-David Stern rants in broken English.
If Commission Stern is fine team for disservice fans, is good chance Knicks have bill for many million of dollars.
— Mikhail Prokhorov (@Fake_Prokhorov) November 30, 2012
I have just wake from long rage of dancing party. Are Nets play today?
— Mikhail Prokhorov (@Fake_Prokhorov) November 16, 2012
Eitan Levine is a New York City based comic. Follow him on Twitter at @Eitanthegoalie .
