The Worst Politician Haircuts Ever

Published:11:51 am EDT, August 28, 2012| Updated:8:42 pm EDT, September 10, 2012|

Politics isn't pretty. When you get a bunch of white guys over the age of 65 who are concerned with their party's agenda more than anything else, certain things are going to fall by the wayside - like any kind of general reality check when it comes to personal appearance. C-Span should probably just start handing out burlap sacks anytime Congress gets together. The American public doesn't need to see these follicle abominations. From comb overs to hair plugs, these are the worst haircuts in politics.


Carl Levin (D) Michigan - Not only does the guy have about 3 inches of actual Brillo pad hair that he's managed to stretch across that pasty dome of his, but the glasses give him a serious Bilbo Baggins hobbit appearance. I expect the guy to start rattling warnings off a scroll any minute.


Barney Frank (D) Massachusetts - Does Barney Frank have any teeth? All I see when looking at this photo is Barney Frank's turkey gobblin' jowls shaking back and forth with some gibberish coming out absent of any (R)s. Being one of the most prominent gay politicians, one would think that somebody in Barney's inner circle would attempt to tame that collection of silver fox pubes atop his head. Not fabulous, not fabulous at all.


Donald Trump (R) New York - Quick! Somebody call animal control, a rabid beaver has attacked a billionaire's head! Oh, wait a second... nevermind. Money can't buy everything...


Jimmy McMillan III (R) New York - Aside from wearing gloves indoors during your speech, nobody's ever going to take you seriously when you look like a black version of Capt. Crunch who could be Mr. T's long lost father. "I say, I say, the rent's too damn high and has any of you fools seen my beard clippers?!"


Janet Reno (R) Florida - Ahhhhhh sh*t! Did Justin Bieber just rip-off Janet Reno?! Janet may have the exact same helmet haircut as 92% of pre-pubescent boys in the United States today, but I'll give her this, the woman has consistency. 30+ years of the same hairdo lets the taxpayers know Janet's priorities were on the American public, because they sure as hell weren't anywhere near attempting to look like a woman.


George Pataki (R) New York - Here we have a photo of former NY governor George Pataki enjoying the great outdoors and attempting to lure a pair of Eastern Bluebirds to nest on the nest he's built upon his head. Try throwing some bread crumbs up there, George. You'll have a happy pair of birds making themselves at home in no time.

joe lieberman

Joe Lieberman (D) Connecticut - DAMN! You know you're doing something wrong with your hair when you resemble a blood sucking monster from 19th century literature. I wouldn't doubt it if there's an angry mob of townsfolk with torches waiting outside Joe's office just before sunset.

John McCain Looking Glum

John McCain (R) Arizona - "What?! You're gonna make fun of John McCain, he's a goddamn war hero!!!", says Tea Party member #894. Yea, I get that John McCain did more for this country getting his nads shocked in a Viet Cong POW camp than I ever will, but the guy still looks like he plastered a few strands of hair across the top of his head with Elmer's glue.

newt gingrich

Newt Gingrich (R) Georgia - Aside from having the name "Newt" and being one of the sleaziest guys in Washington, there's Newt's helmet hair. Newt was sporting the Dwight Schrute look before there even was a Dwight Schrute. Today, Newt continues to rock his awful silver crested helmet atop his melon head, while rambling on about moon bases and other jib jab crazy talk.


Rudy Giuliani (R) New York - Ya know what, I like Rudy Giuliani. The guy pulled NYC up after 9/11 and never took himself too seriously. That being said, Rudy sported one of the worst comb overs in politics for a long time. The greasy rat pelt is never a good look for anybody, especially when you've got a dome that architects use as a model when designing sports stadiums. Thankfully, Rudy wised up after leaving office and cut the rat loose.

ted kaufman

Ted Kaufman (D) Delaware - If Herman Munster had gotten into politics, he'd be Ted Kaufman. Looking at this photo I like to imagine that Ted probably spends his free time in a basement attempting to bring his own Frankenstein monster to life... oh, back to the hair. The gray fox pubes style only works for Larry David, and it barely works for him. Did you co-create television's greatest sitcom, Ted? No? Moving on then...

Ben Nelson

Ben Nelson (D) Nebraska - Senator Ben Nelson's just a good ol' boy from Nebraska who enjoys the simple things in life like throwing the pig skin around, fishin', huntin' and then taking those animals he's killed and weaving them into a hat that he can wear atop his head. Besides looking like he took a muskrat pelt and clamped it on top of his head, the guy has an uncanny resemblance to Burgermeister Meisterburger. You'll never kill Christmas, Nelson! Never!


Ehud Olmert, Former Prime Minister of Israel - WTF Israel?! This is the guy you have representing you guys to the rest of the free world?! No wonder you continue to take crap from everybody. It looks like the guy took a witch's chin hairs and glued them to the top of his liver spotted head.

ron paul

Ron Paul (R) Texas - When you're busy trying to entirely deconstruct the current government power structure and grind the Federal Reserve into a million pieces, you don't have time for hair care. Ron's been rockin' the "bed head" look since 900 A.D.


Boris Johnson, British Conservative Party - If The Beatles had an albino cousin it would be Boris Johnson. I don't see how his aids ever get any work done. I'd be constantly following the guy around, rubbing his head with a balloon.

Joe Biden

Joe Biden (D) Delaware - The second most powerful politician in office, Joe Biden reminds me of that kooky uncle who buys a convertible at 65 and finishes his "young stud" look with veneers and hair plugs. Just look at this photo, even Biden knows he made a big mistake having those silver sheep pubes stapled into his head. If only we could veto your hair and banish it from America forever, Joe Biden.

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