When it comes to grooming, some men lack all sensibilities. Whether one chooses to shave their chest, head, or anywhere else, there needs to be a protocol in place. You can't just go walking around like a monkey who got drunk with a razor - rules are rules, fellas. If you don't know what you are doing, leave it to the professionals.
At first, we thought this might have been some sort of undiscovered species of ape and we were about to be famous. Sadly we won't be appearing on the cover of Time Magazine anytime soon. Apparently, it's just some guy that's never even heard of a razor. One might suggest waxing, but that could very possibly kill this man.
Solution: Die that carpet like the Technicolor Dreamcoat and rock it out!
Your devotion to Batman is serious, we get it, but come on. Even Robin would be too embarrassed to leave the Batcave with this crime fighter.
Solution: Wear a mask like a normal superhero.
The last time I checked, seven was supposed to be the magic number? What is this hairy beast trying to prove? Athletic pride?
Solution: Shirt. Boom! Problem solved.
This is sorta like that trend from the early '90s of shaving lines or waves into the side of your head. Except it's not the '90s and it's on his back. Kudos for the creativity, but this probably isn't gonna attract the kind of female attention on the beach he was hoping for.
Solution: Buy some parachute pants, bust out your Vanilla Ice "best of" mix and embrace the waves of awkward stares soon to follow.
Healthy narcissism can a good thing. But the number one embedded on one's chest? That is a little too much self love. Then again, self love may be the only love you're gonna get when it looks like somebody shaved a dick outline on your chest.
Solution: Buy a razor and finish the job, loser.
Hey, you like to drink beer, no problem with that, advertising the company's logo on your back could be a sign of a bigger problem. If you're gonna make that kinda commitment to advertising at least choose a company that knows the worth of your back hair.
Solution: Write a good pitch for your new back-vertising campaign and send that press release to every brewery in a 100 mile radius.
Why can't dudes just make a simple decision? It should be all or nothing. Your chest-stache should never overshadow your mustache.
Solution: Buy a Hawaiian shirt and join the Magnum P.I. chest-stache Fan Club. Oh, there isn't one? Sorry, guess you're outta luck on this one...
It's like the tax guy from H&R block decided to go punk and then woke up with some serious bed head. No matter how old one is, if you want to score, you need to look your best.
Solution: Buy some hair gel, get a nose ring and hang around the battle of the bands competition at the local community center. Congratulations! You're the new "creepy old dude".
Here we have a prime example of why it's never a good idea to be the first one to pass out at a party. This young chap should just be glad there's not a photo circling the Internet of him getting tea-bagged.
Solution: Grab some clippers and finish the job. When your girlfriend ask about the sudden change of hairstyle, tell her that Miley Cyrus just died in a fiery plane crash. She'll be too distraught to even notice your oddly shaped skull. Problem solved.
"Dude, you should totally shave a chest hair bra and rock it at the beach, it'll be hilarious!" And it was kinda hilarious, for all of five minutes. What this guy can expect is a quick arc of fun followed by shame, as illustrated below.
Solution: Disown the friends who put you up to this and move to a new city.