The 20 Awesomest Japanese Vending Machines: Porno, Panties & Pringles

Published:4:11 pm EDT, August 9, 2012| Updated:6:15 pm EDT, August 15, 2012|
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Japan is absolutely nuts over vending machines. The island nation has around 5.6 million coin and card-operated machines. That's about one vending machine for every 23 people. That is also more vending machines in Japan than people living in New Zealand. So one would expect with the competition that 5.6 million vending machines breeds, everyone is trying to make their vending machine stand out. This densely populated landscape has led to Japan having some of the most innovation and downright weird vending machines in the world. Come along with Heavy-san as we take you on a guided tour of Japan's 20 Awesomest Vending Machines.

Smart Car Vending Machine

Ever stare at your work's vending machine and wish you could just buy a car instead of a bag of salted peanuts? Japan has. Now you can purchase a Smart Car from a vending machine, but it really sucks when the machine eats your money.


Pringles Vending Machine

Oddly specific... here is a purely Pringles vending machine/game. No Pizza Pringles though? Come on Japan, that's the best one.



Live Crab Vending Machine

Now, this isn't EXACTLY from Japan, it's from China. But it is definitely in the same spirit, and makes a convincing case for top Awesomest Award. It is a live crab vending machine and the video below touches on some of the logistics behind stocking live crab and keeping them fresh (read: alive).


The Logistics Behind A Live Crab Vending Machine
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Farm Fresh Egg Vending Machine

A pretty bizarre choice for a vending machine considering you cannot eat uncooked eggs. The fresh eggs vending machine can net you a sack of eggs for about $2, but how does it deliver them to you without cracking? Check out the video below to see it in action.

What Came First? The Vending Machine or the Egg?
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Tommy Lee Jones In Bizarre Japanese Commercial for Canned Coffee
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Did you know Tommy Lee Jones jumped on the Japanese product endorsement gravy train? Well he did, and for BOSS canned coffee. Check out the above commercial where Jones plays an aggravated security officer who also happens to be an alien of sorts. The BOSS canned coffee vending machines also sport Tommy Lee's mug in a strangely semi-aggressive profile pose.


Japanese Banana Vending Machine
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Ever get the insatiable urge to eat 5 bananas? Me either, but apparently they do in Japan and the only cure is more vending machine. Check out the above video to see the bizarre contraption in action, and take note of the special banana peel garbage cans placed next to the machine.

Balloon Vending Machine
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Ever have a crappy day and wish you had a smiley-face balloon to cheer you up? In Japan, they've got a vending machine for that!

Japan and their Soiled Panty Fetish
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The lovely Alex Sim-Wise gets down and dirty with the soiled panty underworld that thrives in Japan. The above video has her entering a shop that sells various soiled panties, soiled by various girls. She then finds the "holy grail" of vending machines, a soiled panty dispenser. Only 30 bucks! Whattadeal!


Finally, a Fried Chicken and French Fry Vending Machine!

The colonel was really caught sleeping on this one. How are you going to let Japan beat you to making vending machine fried chicken available 24 hours? Come on Sanders!


Just a Regular Cigarette Vending Ma.. Wait, What's That Ad on the Bottom?

Let's take a closer look shall we?

That's A Lot of Muscles

Huh, a supremely fit man smoking, giving off the impression that smoking is healthy for you... what's on the side of this machine?


With Really Short Shorts

This is weird Japan...


Surprising no one, Japan has Cup Noodle Vending Machines

This is pretty great, actually if any of you want to steal my idea and become multi-millionaires, buy a license to sell these machines and install them at college dorms and campuses across the country. You're welcome.


Crepe Vending Machine

First Japan takes our fried chicken, a symbol of America, and puts it in their vending machines and now they take France's crepes. At least they know France probably won't do anything about it and if we weren't so lazy, we'd take back our fried chicken too.


Weirdest Coke Machine Ever

Like a cross between Stephen King's IT and Pee Wee Herman's Playhouse, this coke machine is the stuff of your worst nightmares. In a cross promotion with Japan's version of Lady Gaga, Coke rolled this doozy of an eyesore which dispenses nothing but Coca-Cola. What's worse? To retrieve your coke, you must reach up this devil-clown vending machine's skirt.



The Second Weirdest Coke Machine Ever

Not to be outdone by itself, Japan has a Coke Robot Vending machine that walks around Shibuya Station spitting out cokes and lazerbeams. Check out the video below to see the Coke Robot, dubbed "VENDING MACHINE RED" in action... kind of.

Vending Machine Red Commercial
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Dildo Vending Machine

Yes, Japan doesn't neglect their females vending machine needs.


Porno Vending Machine

This is genius! Porno magazine vending machine! Finally, you don't have to look guilt-stricken into the eyes of a 7-11 cashier when you buy your smut.



Pokémon Vending Machine

It wouldn't be a Japanese 20 Awesomest list without some kind of gaming reference thrown in. Check out this all-Pokémon vending machine.


A Lettuce Vending Machine, Duh

Duh, of course there is a lettuce vending machine where the lettuce grows artificially without any real sunlight. How else would you get your lettuce?


Beer Vending Machine

Now we're cooking with gas. Here is the single greatest use of vending machine technology ever in the world. A vending machine that vends beer. Pure, unadulterated genius. Also, how do they check your ID at these things? Eh, who cares, whoever made this should be granted a Nobel prize.


Classic Combo: Whiskey and M&Ms

For around 6 bucks, you can be living real classy with the strangely awesome M&M plus Whiskey combo. Great idea, great effort.


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