Don’t Believe the Hype, Laptops Are Not Food

Believe it or not, science has show that laptops provide zero nutritional value. That's right, absolutely none! That's pretty amazing if you think about all the things laptops can provide you with: movie tickets, games, porn, kitty videos, Kanye West memes, porn, but Vitamin C - NA. Try an apple instead - it's crunchy, sweet and provides lots of vitamins your Macbook Pro simply can't provide. Remember, just because it has an apple icon, doesn't mean it taste like an actual apple.

Laptops are awesome. Bacon is awesome. That's really where their similarities end. Where bacon comes from the back of a pig and can be used to improve almost any meal, your laptop can not. Your laptop was probably made by an underpaid worker somewhere in China and will never make your sandwiches taste better. Choose bacon for you next meal, not your laptop.

Tacos are delicious and come in a variety of styles: hard shell, soft shell, chicken, beef, fish, chorizo, veggie, etc. Laptops also come in a variety of styles, but are not delicious, no matter how much hot sauce you pour on them. Laptops for lunch - no bueno!

Whoooa, curve ball! Neither laptops or babies are food. You may get the strange urge to bite a baby's toes or fingers when holding it, but DO NOT! If you have the strange urge to bite a laptop's keys when using it consult a psychiatric professional or TLC - you're crazy.

Ribs will be a hit on the grill at your BBQ 100% of the time. Grilling up some laptop shish kebabs will never be a hit and ruin even the merriest of cookouts. *And for those of you thinking "Hey, why'd he put the black dude with the ribs, that's racist!" No it's not you idiot. Ribs transcend all racial barriers and are loved by every creed and color. You didn't see a Mexican in the taco photo did you?

There's really no reason to get excited about carrot sticks. You're probably just eating them because: they came with your wings, your girlfriend or mom wants you to eat better, they're on the party tray and you don't wanna be that guy who eats nothing but cold cuts. Still, you should always choose carrot sticks over a laptop when considering food choices.

Don't eat laptops or brains, unless you're a zombie. If that's the case, go wild... on the brains, but still refrain from eating the laptop.

Congrats on not noshing on your notebook like a psychopath! Now that you know several alternatives to eating your laptop, take that new found knowledge and apply it. You're a winner!