Does Barack Obama have the capabilities to take on a velociraptor? Doubtful. What about Bill Clinton, could he go toe-to-toe with a horde of zombie strippers? Hmm, possibly. In the bizarro universe of artist <a href="http://sharpwriter.deviantart.com/" target="_blank">Jason Heuser</a> , the commander in chief isn't just some Washington politician, he's a man kicking ass for America. Don't expect Teddy Roosevelt to put up with any sh*t from Bigfoot, or Thomas Jefferson to run from any goddam dirty apes. These presidents are taking names and kicking ass of the highest order.