So, Mother Nature probably... no I'm going to say most certainly hates our guts. And can we really blame her? After that little debacle with the BP oil spill a few months back, I'd say that we aren't too popular with all those creatures under the sea. And now it looks like we're about to start feeling the wrath of Poseidon or Sponge Bob or whoever the current ruler of the oceans may be.
A couple of tourists vacationing in South Africa got a bit of an oceanic bitch slap recently when a 40-ton Southern Right Whale leaped out of the water and crash landed on their ship of the coast of Cape Town. Sort of the whale version of a "ram jam."
"Suddenly I saw this huge monster shape come up out of the water on my port side," Ralph Mothes said Thursday on NBC's Today show. "It just happened in an instant. It was quite frightening."
Of course it was frightening, and it's probably just the start of the rein of terror that the ocean is about to inflict on us. For centuries (or at least the last few decades) humans have been forcing whales, dolphins, porpoises and mermaids to perform shows at amusement parks like Sea World and Capt. Jo Jo's Oceanic Extravaganza. Just earlier this year a trainer was killed by a killer whale at Sea World, shocking park patrons until they could be calmed down with promise of discount passes and free corn dogs. The world was shocked- except for me. The whale's name is a "killer whale." It's right there in the title, "killer." If there was a monkey called a "rape monkey" don't be surprised after you try and teach it to ride a unicycle it rapes you instead. That's what rape monkeys do.
The whale broke the ship's mast and did damaged to the cabin before angrily shaking its fin and sliding back into the murky depths from which the great beast emerged, leaving behind a few barnacles as a warning. Neither tourist was hurt... this time.
This is only a warning of the horror yet to come from the creatures of the ocean. The Simpsons predicted this sort of revenge years ago with their "Treehouse of Horror XI" episode in which dolphins rise up to conquer the world after Lisa frees their leader from a marine park. Some might say Matt Groening could be even bit of Nostradamus of sorts.
Yes, my friends, unless we want every squid, shark, whale and hermit crab enslaving us and forcing us to wait on them hand and foot we'd best think of something quick before these incidents of flipper on human violence get out of hand. In the meantime, go fix yourself a nice big tuna salad sandwich and enjoy this video of a kayaker getting owned by a killer whale:
