City officials in Bell, California, a small city in Los Angeles County, are being forced to answer tough questions after an LA Times report revealed the extravagance of their pay. The city manager alone earned over $787,000 last year, over twice as much as the Chief Executive of Los Angeles County, and three times as much as the city manager of Long Beach. The mayor and city council have defended the city manager's pay, however, as well as their own, all of which are above the regional average by multiple factors. This is in spite of the fact that Bell's population is poorer and less educated than neighboring cities, and predominately made up of foreign-born immigrants. So what do these city officials do to warrant such exorbitant pay? In response to that question, they've published a list of their accomplishments:
- Successfully allowed the county to manage the local fire department, schools, public library, and health services
- Made the city unappealing to even the most hard-up California hobos
- Still got a Blockbuster!
- That train that runs through knows better than to stop here now
- Managed to cover the entire soccer field in razor wire
- Successfully kept the mayor's meth lab from blowing up
- Got an air hockey table for the rec center, plan to get a puck and paddles and working motor for the air pump once the mayor comes down on his selling price
- No one having a high school diploma really helps foster a feeling of community, except when people get in fights about things like how many moons there are
- Heard about any terrorist attacks in Bell recently? No? You're welcome.
- Police department is now 34% more efficient at shaking down illegal immigrants
- Most citizens now commit suicide by drinking themselves to death rather than shooting themselves or parking their cars on the train tracks
- Everyone on the City Council just seems so much nicer and happier now
