Chrono
We obviously love mixed martial arts here at Heavy, but for some people the path to physical perfection is one beset with lunacy. When you fold in the brain-destroying sludge known as anime, the recipe is made for a true epic loser. One such lose is Chrono, who came to Internet fame with his site The Ki Sanctuary. Unlike many dedicated martial artists who train for years or decades to develop their skills, Chrono was convinced that he was already gifted with superhuman powers and just needed to stand out in the backyard, yell at trees and travel the astral plane with Sonic the Hedgehog. After real martial artists tore him a new one for his clownery, he disappeared, but we'll always have the memories. Like this hilarious video.
Julie Lotus
Juggalos: bad people or the worst people? If you thought it wasn't possible for Insane Clown Posse fans to get any more demented, I present to you the case of Julie Lotus, a horrible face-painted hambeast who gave birth to a little girl named Anabelle in 2008. Shocked at being born to juggalo parents, Anabelle promptly died. However, that would not be the last insult perpetrated on the poor innocent baby, as her Mom and Dad painted her face in clown makeup and buried her in a white coffin with ICP logos on it, then tried to call the band and use this atrocity as a way of getting free merchandise. Watch the video.
Imari Stevenson
Video games: they're awesome, unless you take them too seriously. Then they'll destroy your brain. Such is the case of Imari Stevenson, aka Imarea 8-Bit. Imari, a young gentleman from Hickory, North Carolina, has wanted nothing more in his whole life than to make games. So he wrote epic documents about the games he wanted to make and posted them on the Internet, where people made fun of them (because, frankly, one of them was a Street Fighter ripoff starring women who grew to giant size and shot hyper-speed milk projectiles from their boobs). Imari's reaction was some of the funniest lulz the Web has ever seen, including calling one critic a "loser.com." Stevenson still hasn't had any of his games made, but he did make a short CGI movie, Freedom Man 2027. Watch it here.
DemoniusX
The culture of YouTube vloggers has produced some seriously terrible people - any moron with a webcam thinks that his opinions need to be heard by the world. And a lot of these people are horrible monsters of existence. Case in point: DemoniusX. Sporting a globe-shaped head, a mammoth neckbeard, and a mushmouthed delivery, DemoniusX's grandest moment was when he bragged about falling in love with a girl only to have the Internet discover she was a professional dominatrix several states away. He continues to release his thoughts into the world like so many turds into a clogged septic system.
WinterRose
The Internet: where someone will eventually tell you you're pretty. That's the only explanation I can come up with for WinterRose, a batcrap crazy Otherkin who has literally inundated the Web with pages and pages of total crazy. Claiming to have nine past lives, a "celtic rose" complexion and a five-octave range, Rose is actually an obese Florida redneck with a genetic disorder who lives with her lanky fiancee Tristan and issues epic blog posts With Every Word Capitalized Like This, spinning yarns about fairy princesses, time-crossed romance and lots and lots of food. Her loserest moment? Probably trying to convince people on the Internet that they should donate money to her for her second honeymoon to Ireland.
