As you may have read earlier today, Gizmodo allegedly got their hands on what appears to be the next generation iPhone prototype, finding the hardware in a bar near Apple's headquarters. Disguised as an iPhone 3GS, the unit has a number of features that differ from it's predecessor - read our full rundown here. But we weren't content to just buy this story, so we headed to San Francisco to bribe some bartenders and get in touch with the unlucky Apple employee who lost the phone to get his side of the affair. Read on for our exclusive interview.
Heavy.com: So you're the guy who lost the iPhone, huh?
Unidentified Apple Employee: Sad to say, but yes. We had been testing the device in real-world situations and I had it at the bar testing a few apps. Okay, I wasn't testing apps. I was hitting on girls. You wouldn't believe how "can your iPhone do this?" works as a panty-dropper in Redwood City.
Heavy.com: Did you score?
UAE: Honestly? I don't remember. I woke up next to a dumpster behind a Quiznos with no shirt on. So I probably did, at least twice.
Heavy.com: When did you realize that you'd lost the iPhone prototype?
UAE: When I got back to the office, I wanted to download a new app that I heard about that lets you rate your Address Book contacts by relative smugness and assign them custom ringtones. When I pulled out what I thought was the phone, it was actually an old-school brick Game Boy. Needless to say, I pissed my pants.
Heavy.com: What did you tell your boss?
UAE: I'd like to say that I marched right in there and told him the truth, but I actually spent the next five hours cowering under my desk weeping into my hands and stewing in my own urine. A little bit after lunch, two security guys dragged my out by my ear and took me to a conference room, where Steve Jobs himself interrogated me, burning my nipples with a lit cigarette and beating me about the head and shoulders with an iPad.
Heavy.com: Jesus! That's harsh! So who do you think stole the phone?
UAE: Well, since it wound up in Gizmodo's hands instead of back at Apple where any decent citizen would have brought it, I'd say it's probably somebody of questionable moral character. Unfortunately, Lindsay Lohan was over a hundred miles away, so that rules out one suspect.
Heavy.com: So did you get fired or what?
UAE: Surprisingly, no. During my interrogation, Jobs had what he describes as "the most intense orgasm of (his) life," so I'm being kept on as a sort of executive stress release toy. In this recession, I'm willing to take what I can get.
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