A SEX GUIDE BY "DEVASTATING" DAVEY DUDDY Ph.D, RESIDENT SEX THERAPIST AT THE STAPLES CENTER, LOS ANGELES
POSITION #1: THE ITALIAN HANGER
A lot of you little Duddynaughts have been asking me: "DAVE, HOW DO I HIT MY PARTNER'S G-SPOT WHILE ENSURING I HAVE MY HANDS FREE TO EXPLORE?" Well I gotta tell you, dudes, what Devestating Dave does when he hits the canvas for a little mano-a-mano is he hits them with The Italian Hanger! First of all, get your partner pinned in the missionary position (I like to get to this point by buying them fine wine, getting to know their interests and maybe using a fast-release powerbomb). Then your partner needs to THRUST their pelvis upwards, ensuring their FEET are planted on the mat, dude! Meanwhile you gotta drive forward and go for that submission, supporting her hips with your hands as she arches, remembering to experiment with multiple angles and depths of penetration to pleasure - but you gotta be careful man!, shoot from the top rope before she's yellin' and that is an INSTANT TAP-OUT on your relationship, dude! And you are going DOWN! Right down to making love to a sweatsock in a one-room apartment on Lonely Street!
(Also known by: The Rabbit, The Arch, Boston Assisted Crotchslam)
NEXT WEEK: GERMAN SUPLEX WITH CLITORAL STIMULATION
