The art of sex tapes, degrading immigrants and high-profile auto wrecks ... learn all this and more with your professor, Paris Hilton.

Lindsay has a nose so bright, Diddy caps that b**ch Bumble, and Paris Hilton gives Coldmiser a way to stay warm.

Li'l Kim helps Martha Stewart bust out of the big house. With Morgan Freeman, for added shock value.

The secret behind Dane Cook's suck-cess as a bad comedian? Two words: The, Superfinger.

The story behind Li'l John's Crunk Juice. Side effects include being pecked by imaginary owls. Yay-yuh!

On tour this summer: Man Boobs, Ozzy's Spittle, and Frontal Lobotomy.

Radio listeners (ZING) can't hack (BOING) one more spin (WHIRRR) of Sexyback (HONK), hack DJ instead.

What kind of retard would hang out with a bunch of douchebag Guitar Center employees? Actual retards, of course.

The history behind one loser's diabolical quest to have threesomes with hot bridesmaids. Oh what a night.

Meet the subversive genius behind making people look stupid ... the inventor of karaoke ... Long Duc Dong (GONG!).

Beyonce's Bootyliciousness gives rise to a new Bootyligeon.

Jessica's dad is no ordinary Joe. But thanks to the Malkovich mental-portal, Nick Lachey might be.

The sons of Sam, the All American Rejects, suck like cannibals at a sausage party.

When U2 loses their Edge, Bono goes over the edge, and the Edge loses his foreskin. Lindsay Lohan, Donald Duck and Natalie from "Facts of Life" co-star.

If you think the singer of the White Stripes is too cool to sell douches, marry a penguin or join a band with Matt Lauer, you don't know Jack. Mr. T co-stars.